I’m currently going to take a break from posting on virtually all social media outlets. Ever since graduating college, I’ve felt nothing but useless and unaccomplished. I know it isn’t healthy, but I haven’t been able to nip this depression in the bud. I can’t find a big-girl job, I hate what I got my degree in, I’m struggling with money due to loans, and I feel like I’m losing myself with my emotions. I’m getting those feelings of “I’m not good enough” like I used to get back in middle school, and I can’t pinpoint why these thoughts have resurfaced, and in such a drastically destructive manner.
I think I just need to take a break from the internet for a while. I know it will probably lead people to unfollow me, but it’s what I need to do, and I understand if that’s the case. I need to get my head on straight: I need to reassess life decisions, figure out what I DO want to do with my life. What am I good at? What would I be happy doing? What do I ultimately want out of life? What are some new things I can try?
I also need to take some time to rekindle my personal style that’s been lost in this cloudy-days phase. I need to find the spark that got my creative mind thinking, not just in my outfits, but in DIY and, most specifically, in my writing. I think I’m having an existential crisis, and it’s causing me to mentally deteriorate.
Lastly, I need to find design elements of my blog that really represent who I am. I spent too much time looking at other blogs for inspiration which led me to be really confused about how to make my own blog, leaving MDG a jumbled, fuddled mess. I committed the ultimate fallacy of blogging: Not being me. I started blogging too early without the right equipment, without having enough spare time, and without organizing my ideas enough to be cohesively put onto the page. For all of these things, my readers, I’m sorry. I feel as though I’ve kind of cheated you out of who I am simply due to the constraints of time and mental health. If anything, there’s been a brief, subdued version of myself presented, and that’s not what I want out of MDG.
I promise that once I figure these things out, I will be back and blogging, because blogging is one thing I feel passionately about. The blogging community fascinates me, and I admire my favorite bloggers probably more than other people admire celebrities. To think that people are lucky enough to take a glimpse into one person’s life, to understand that person as your everyday citizen yet also as something more, and form an almost immediate connection–all through reading and scrolling through pictures. I want to join this community properly, and I have a whole (disorganized) notebook dedicated to post ideas that I can’t wait to put into action. First and foremost, though, I’ve got to get my life in order.
Thank you so much for understanding, and I hope to return as the version of myself that I grew to love throughout my years in university. I will overcome this dark period in my life and come out an even stronger and happier person.
Love, KiKi
